R.I.P. Mr. Fuzzy Britches

At approximately 7:10am this eleventh of August, 2006, an anonymous squirrel who has since been named Mr. Fuzzy Britches found the end of his demise beneath the tire of a hunter green Nissan Sentra. He was last seen attempting to cross the street with a large walnut in his mouth, no doubt on his way to feed his wife and ten starving children. The driver claims that she was unable to swerve out of the way due to oncoming traffic and so gripped the steering wheel until she and her husband heard the tell-tale "ka-thunk" beneath their front driver seat tire. Both were reported to respond to the horrific event with a long drawn-out "ooooohhhhhh........" Neither persons are eager to return to the place of the hit-and-run. Warrants are being drafted for either of these guilty party:

Perpetrator: Donna Shaw, aka "Wheels"
"What have I done???"

Considered armed and dangerous

Accomplice: Jason Shaw, aka "Shaw Daddy"

"Eh, it was just as squirrel."

Previous felonies: ripping tags off throw pillows, general unruliness

Please notify authorities if you have any information on these dangerous individuals at 1-800-SQURLWATCH... on behalf of all the woodland creatures, thank you for your attention and concern.